Circle
Imagine a Circle of people sat around a fire in a woodland clearing, sharing stories of joy and sorrow, of triumph and failure, of losing their way and then finding it again, of being wounded and of healing. Imagine them offering you a welcome to come and sit by the fire and join them in their joy and brokenness with your joy and brokenness. This is that Circle. You are welcome here...
We might have heard of talking circles, men's or women's circles or even drum circles, but what are they? What is Circle?
A talking or sharing Circle is a gathering of people with the shared intention to speak and to listen. It is different from a conversation or chat as each person takes turns to share their story, while the Circle listens with a spirit of openness, non-judgement, respect and confidentiality. In Circle, there is no need to fix, rescue, advise or even interpret, which opens the doors for people to feel bolder in sharing, to feel like their voice has been heard and for their emotions to be welcomed and validated. By sitting in Circle, empathy, confidence, self-awareness and self-esteem increase and feelings of isolation and alienation disappear. Life can be challenging and complicated and we all have our "stuff". When kept inside, that stuff can grow and become stuck. The Circle can be a space where stuff can be shared and can become the stuff of healing and connection. Sharing in the Circle becomes like adding a log to the fire, with each share adding to the warmth and beauty.
The Circle is an ancient symbol of unity, oneness, wholeness and togetherness. It represents the cycles of nature, the seasons and the stars. It is in the heavens, in the land and in our bones. It is in the Sun, Moon and Earth, in ancient tree rings, in great Stone Circles and in the drums used by the old people to gather the community.
People have been gathering in Circles around the fire since humans were humans. Cooking together and sharing food and stories around the fire might in fact have been what fuelled the evolution of modern human brains. So, when you sit in Circle around the fire sharing stories and it feels good and right - that's because it is in our DNA. Laughing together, grieving together, speaking openly and honestly of our lives and listening deeply to the stories of others is what makes us human. In an increasingly disconnected, digital and virtual world, coming back to the Circle can remind us of who we are.
“You listen with just one purpose, to help another to empty their heart”
— Thich Nhat Hanh
What does it mean to be "in Circle"? Being in Circle means no-one is left out. All are welcome. There is no-one on stage dictating how things must be from a position of power. The Circle is non-hierarchical. Each can see each other's eyes. All are equal. There is no head of the table.
In Circle, the expert is not needed. Everybody in the Circle will have their own individual personal experience and none of them are right or wrong, they are just those people's stories and humans need the stories of others to learn about the world and about themselves. By hearing our own story mirrored in another, and feeling compassion and empathy for them, we can find understanding and forgiveness for ourselves. In that way, listening can become even more important and transformative than sharing. Connecting this way through sharing and listening with others can not only bring people together, but bring us closer to ourselves.
In Circle, being truthful becomes more important than being right. We can be together in our brokenness. Together in our wounding. Humans need each other. It's in our DNA to belong to a tribe and as much as we like to think we are ok on our own, we need human connection and feel anxious, isolated and unhappy without it. And digital connection through social media doesn't always do it - we need the real thing. In Circle, community can be created with a bunch of strangers. We can feel closer and more connected to people we barely know than we do to our friends and family. And from my own experience, by sitting in Circle with old friends, you can see them in a completely new light.
In Circle, we can feel connection in difference - in spaces where we don't need to agree, we can relax and drop the need to convince in order to accept and be accepted. We can keep the emotional connections when everyone is respected for who they are and not cancelled and judged for what they think. This is the way of real community as it was in the past. Difference is needed. BOTH and AND are welcome. Both are right and both are wrong and that's ok. We're connected by our shared experience and our humanity, rather than by opinions and beliefs. The Circle is a heart community rather than a head community - stronger because it is more flexible and compromising. It does not have rigid ideas to identify with. Conflict and difference can be welcomed and held in the Circle. In Circle, there is no need to find your people and stay in your bubble. All can become your people.
Forest Circle combines the Circle with Nature, as trees are the best listeners. In Nature, we don't feel judged or like we need to be our best selves to be accepted. Through grounding and Nature Connection exercises, Circle in Nature can be where we can find meaningful connection, community and reconnect with our true selves.
